goldwax317 (goldwax317) wrote,

What becomes of the broken-hearted?

Remember that woman I was seeing? I just went through eight days of pure, unadulterated hell because, for some unknown reason, she suddenly stopped returning my phone calls and e-mails. I was sick to my stomach with worry that something horrible had happened to her. I had trouble sleeping, eating, and concentrating on my job, and I constantly felt just one second away from puking my guts up or sobbing uncontrollably.

Finally on Tuesday night, she e-mailed me. Check this out:

Hi Dean:
I'm here.  I'm sorry that I've been so distant lately, but I've been super busy, and very confused.  I have met up with an old boyfriend that I've had a mixed past with.  It's made me very confused, and I'm not sure where I stand right now.
I have really enjoyed communicating with you, but I have feelings on both sides, and I've never been good at seeing 2 guys at the same time.  There has been absolutely nothing that you have said or done to push me away, and I really do enjoy you, so I'm really not sure what to do.  Can we just float in neutral for awhile?  I can understand if you are really mad at me, as I think I would be if the tables were turned right now.
Perhaps you want to move on for now, and see what else is out there, and come back later to see if I've gotten my act together.  I'm so sorry about this, but feel that I should be perfectly honest with you, because  you deserve honesty, and I'm so confused.
What do you think?
I thought about it non-stop all that night and the rest of the day. And on Wednesday night, I broke up with ----. I wasn't about to go into "neutral" while the other guy shifted into "overdrive."

I know I did the right thing by ending it with her, but it hurts like hell. We'll never make love together, I'll never meet her 8-year-old son, and I'll never see her face or hear her voice again. The tears are flowing down my cheeks as I type these words.

We had connected on so many different levels; we seemed so right for each other. And now she does this. For the love of god, why???

This has happened to me so many times before. I meet a woman, things are going great, and then an old boyfriend or ex-husband shows up and blows everything to hell. Why does this keep happening to me? I don't deserve this misery!

Two years ago, I removed myself from the dating scene following a hideous experience in which a woman I went out with twice attempted suicide when I decided not to see her again. After two years, I finally mustered up the courage to throw my hat back in the ring; and my first time out, this was what I got. Now I remember why I've spent so much of my life isolating and not letting people in.

I know ---- can't help how she feels; but at the same time, goddamn her for deceiving me and betraying my trust!

And yet, if ---- called me today to say that she and the other guy were through and asked me for a second chance, I might just give it to her.

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded